New Year 2007 Issue: Keeping Her – Vol 1, Compliance
This blog is a bit long – but hey it’s the New Year and I wanted to give you guys a big present!
I was running around an unnamed Southern California theme park the other day. My girl talked her way into letting me and her get into the park after they were not letting anybody in any more – so we only had an hour left. Since we only had an hour it had to be excessively stimulating. It was late and the weather wasn’t so good lately – there weren’t many people (or staff) around. We started off at the rollercoaster which I rode once screaming bloody murder the whole way (I’m afraid of heights).
Then we sang Christmas songs on an un-manned ride announcement system that was very clearly labeled in big letters as “Staff Only.” Our audience gave us the ‘slow clap.’ We also pressed some mysterious green buttons but they didn’t do anything. And on our way out we pretended to work there and walked through ‘the back’ area to our car right past the security gate. Because we were ‘staff’ we get some free cotton candy too!
Plenty of stimulation. Right in the middle of all this I get a call from one of my private students, “Mehow, my girlfriend isn’t kissing me in public anymore and has been snubbing me in bed, she says its because she is sick or doesn’t feel like it.” I tell him I will get back to him and rejoin the fun. Paying attention to your girlfriend when you are with her is key and is instrumental in keeping her emotional state positive. And that is one of the keys to ‘Keeping Her.’
I just talked to my student and the conversation turned out so beneficial to him that I decided to share this with everybody.
You see 99% percent of men in relationships don’t have any idea how to stay in the relationship. They got the girl by being fun and exiting and asking for more ‘compliance.’ There is far more to staying in a relationship then compliance, but this principle is so important that I decide to write about it here.
Compliance, in the world of pickup, is a technical term for having another person do something for you. This can be anything – a handshake, participating in a conversation, allowing to be hugged, asking questions, telling you things about her, she buying you a drink, sex and far more in truly committed relationships. The more they do for you the more they are attracted to you. In fact, compliance essentially equals attraction. Picture a person who you are madly attracted to. Now picture how far you would go for that person. More compliance creates more attraction which creates even greater compliance. Conversely, less compliance creates less attraction which creates less compliance. You get it. File this principle in your brain for a second.
Most men when they get non compliance (she won’t kiss him etc.) will just start to get all logical on the woman and say stuff like, “Baby, we are *together* so you should kiss me.” So their answer is to get logical and give her logical reasons why she should give compliance. I don’t have to tell you that this doesn’t work. You know this already. It has happened to you. You asked again and again and she said NO again and again.
Getting logical does not help your purpose for many reasons.
Women do not respond to logic. They respond to emotional stimulation. Logic forces her to think in a way that is foreign to her, which makes her believe she is doing the wrong thing. It suppresses her emotions. It would be similar to a man abandoning logic and trusting only his emotions to make a decision. This would be a foreign mental state, bringing questions into the decision.
By becoming logical, you are communicating your neediness, which instantly lowers your attraction. When you need her, you are expressing that you have lower value than her, which makes you less attractive. Lower attraction creates lower compliance creating lower attraction, etc.
Handling non compliance in a logical way frequently creates a situation that we call ‘negative compliance momentum.’ This means one person in the relationship is used to saying NO to the other person. She says NO – you ask again – she says NO – you get mad at her – she says NO some more. Unchecked, that momentum builds and builds until attraction in these situations dies on both sides and then the relationship dies. Remember that compliance equals attraction, so the less of one you have the less you have of the other.
So to keep her you have to keep her complying with you!
Inevitably she won’t always do what you want her to. She will say NO sometimes. My wild guess is that not knowing how to handle this situation is the cause of 80% of all arguments in relationships. And once enough arguing and noncompliance occurs the relationship can easily end.
So what do you do?
Don’t get logical on her or ask again or, even worse, start an argument over her inevitable non compliance. Doing these things makes no logical sense as if you got this far with her in the relationship – she probably isn’t complying because she is not into you. She isn’t complying because of some unrelated emotional factor and/or how she feels about you at that moment.
Women in relationships, regardless of what the stage of the relationship is, only comply if their emotions towards you are positive. The logic of the situation has nothing to do with it! Many of my students who (now) know how to pick up a girl will just go back to being their logical selves in the relationship once they think they ‘got her.’
I have news for you, you never 100% ‘have her.’ Not even if you are married (Read the ‘Why Husbands and Boyfriends Don’t Matter’ blog)! There is no such thing as a permanent relationship – if you think you have one then you are living in an illusion carefully crafted by society. But you can have some very solid, very permanent relationship as long as you don’t rely on logic for their permanence. Handling non compliance in the relationship is a key part of that.
So what do you do when she doesn’t comply?
Get distracted and start doing something else for a second then give her a different compliance test, one that you know she will pass so you can reward her for it.
Here is a really trivial example. I’m at the theme park with my girlfriend in a gift shop. I go for a kiss. She won’t do it – too many people around. If I just accept the no and don’t do anything about it I’m creating non-compliance momentum.
What is weird about non-compliance is that it will kill her own attraction for me even over trivial stuff if it happens a lot. The paradox is that she knows she wants to be with me now, but if she turns me down enough, even if it is because of factors unrelated to the relationship, she will end up thinking that she doesn’t want to be with me. Crazy, huh?
So instead of just letting the NO happen – I spot some very funny looking hats with furry walrus stuffed animals on top of them and immediately get distracted by them. I say ‘Wow! Cool hats!’ and walk over and grab one. She comes over to me. I hand her a yellow and pink one and tell her to try it on. She does and I hug her and tell her I love her.
That was close – a little bit of non compliance averted. There are a million ways to handle this situation as long as you get distracted in a way that it doesn’t look like you are affected by her NO (you stay positive!). In ‘the game,’ the ‘way’ we call ‘non-reactive positive reframing.’ When you do this – you are reinforcing in her mind that you won’t let her run you.
If you let her tell you what to do you are losing your alpha male status that got her attracted to you in the first place. So don’t let her lose her attraction for you over something stupid like a little PDA kiss just because right at that moment she wasn’t ‘feeling it!’
Everything about compliance is always about her emotional state towards you and frequently that can be affected by a million factors. She is in a bad mood, the weather isn’t perfect, you didn’t buy her that Gucci purse she wanted are all reasons why she could be saying NO to you.
So don’t let that stuff affect you being happy together – just non-reactively positively get distracted like suddenly remember something or see something shiny or have the sudden urge to get out of bed and make some tea. Then come back and give her another compliance test – and reward her for that! No woman wants to feel unloved over something stupid so create another situation where she gets loved, but she is complying with you again.
This way she gets all the affection she craves from you without unwittingly ruining your attraction. This sounds complicated to think about at first, but once you practice it becomes second nature. Alpha males won’t let themselves get beta’d if they can do anything about it. But don’t be neurotic about it either. Some NOs will slip through ‘un-handled.’ No worries though – just don’t let them stack up and definitely don’t argue with her, ask again, or get logical. If you forget everything else in this whole blog – just remember to ‘non-reactively positively reframe.’
Now that you know how to handle these situations you can test the waters and figure out what her limits are. Everybody has limits no matter how in love they are. This is why your girlfriend will only show off her breasts to you in public at Mardi Gras, unless she is really risqué. This way, you know not to ask her to flash you at the 7-11.
But what if that thing she doesn’t do for you is her just plain being an idiot or losing you?
Usually you figure this out when she says NO to you about something important to you. 99% of men totally mess things up at this exact moment and get logical with a ‘relationship talk’ or start an argument about it or ask again. This leads to a lot of non-compliance from the woman thereby creating negative compliance momentum. Women won’t give you compliance period when they aren’t feeling like it. It doesn’t matter if you just met or you are the ruler of a small country or you have been married for 50 years.
The right answer is to just get non-reactively positively distracted. Then some later time, when she is feeling good, that is when you talk to her about it!!! Then you tell her how important X thing is to you and she is likely to comply next time or at least promise to work on it. She loves you after all, right? The reason she didn’t do it in the first place is probably just as simple as she didn’t know that it was important to you and/or she just didn’t ‘feel like it!’ or she is still mad about that Gucci bag you didn’t buy her. Don’t let her current emotional state mess up your entire relationship. These sorts of things can easily cascade into screaming fights! Fighting not only creates a lot of negative compliance momentum but also a ton of bad feelings in her mind that are now associated with you.
By handling things this way you avoid creating negative compliance momentum right when the situation happens and then you can have your ‘relationship talk’ when she is most likely to comply with it because her emotional state is positive.
Once I figured this out, I have never, not once had a single fight in any relationship with any woman.
And in all my ‘pre-game’ relationships there was a lot of fighting. Particularly towards the end of the relationship.
Doing this takes a ton of patience – women are frequently infuriating. But if you get impatient and try to resolve ‘the big issue’ when her emotional state is negative it will only get worse ALL of the time. Just understand the she probably wants to do what you want, it is just the wrong time. So find the right time to talk about it and it will probably be ok! If she really gets to you with her non compliance just get distracted and leave. Come back to her later. A lot of the time just you getting distracted will get her to fix it immediately.
But to do this you need to be able to keep her emotional state consistently positive in the relationship! For example, tease her, take her on a super exiting and totally different date, make sure the sex is hot, go on a super cool trip, go to a theme park together, or a petting zoo etc. You have to always be able to re-spark attraction in any relationship. I found that you actually have to really try hard to get her to not comply with any sane request after you just showed her the time of her life.
Getting this wrong is, by the way, why most men eventually loose their girlfriends or wives. They randomly ‘get her’ by doing things unconsciously right during the pickup – so they have no idea what to do in the relationship to keep things hot and there is just about zero chance of them ‘getting lucky’ again in a long term relationship like a marriage.
That was a lot of stuff!! Here is the short list of the things you have to do to keep your woman happy in any relationship or marriage that I talked about in this blog. All of these avoid her non-compliance and creating negative compliance momentum which will eventually kill any romance.
1. If she doesn’t comply in some way – don’t ask again, don’t get logical with her, don’t argue.
2. Instead – get non-reactively positively distracted and, if you feel like it, give her a different positive compliance test and reward her for that. If she really gets to you and you feel getting yourself angry just leave.
3. Learn what things she is not cool with and don’t ask for them unless …
4. The issue is really important to you – then come back to talking about it when she is feeling good about you and life in general.
5. Always be able to re-spark the attraction in your relationship.
You learn all this stuff naturally once you accept the fact that women are highly emotional creatures and the only way to really get it is to get out there, meet some women, get in relationships and practice.
Happy 2007!
-Mehow
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P.S.: If this is the first time you have been to this blog and you want to get a grip on what we are talking about visit mehowgetthegirl.com and sign up for a free 7 day trial of our ebook. This ebook will initiate you to the world of Mehow’s proven seduction methods. If you want to learn how to attract and seduce women, how to pick up women in bars, in clubs in the daytime or any other time or place, this is where you need to start.
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